- On April 21, after watching the Shop At Home Network and being made to feel really enthusiastic about squares, I ordered the Flipfold from a different website. I haven't used it one single time.

- While I was watching a DVD on our big, fancy TV yesterday, it randomly started making sparks as the picture went black. I think somehow I insulted it and it's my fault.

- I'm most upset about not being able to play Rock Band 2 on it (at least until it's fixed).

- I do socialize rarely with some friends who live near us but basically when I'm not working my life consists of lazing about to relax or spending time with my boyfriend. I'm fine with that.

- We are visiting my mom next weekend in Rockland because her birthday is Sunday and that's nice for her and everything but the real purpose is for me to have a mini-vacation to hold me over until August and to have sex with my boyfriend at a nice bed and breakfast with a giant bath tub.

- Perhaps in the giant bath tub.

- I bought a 30 gb (1st generation) Zune and I like it.

- I pre-ordered the Sims 3 for release date delivery and played it for at least three hours yesterday.

- My dad had to do some more work on my car and towed it to his garage so I haven't had it for almost two weeks. I want it back because I want it to be fixed but I selfishly am kinda enjoying using TB's car so much. It has cup holders! Was produced after the year 2000! Maybe he'll trade with me.

- I really really like it when my house is clean. It seems my previously undiscovered dream job is stay-at-home girlfriend. Seriously. I would love to clean the house, do laundry, browse the internet, and wait for my significant other to return. Alas, it conflicts with my feminist principles and TB's desire to have a girlfriend who contributes to society.

I was looking back on entries from this summer last night and it finally pushed me to update. I don't know why it seemed easier to write when I had 10 times as many frustrations and spend 50% of the time being miserable but there you go. Well, actually, it makes sense that I was driven more then because I needed an outlet. But I still have loads of stuff inside me that I'm just dying to spew all over the internet so no worries!

Actually, I'm supposed to be unpacking and organizing and cleaning right now. What, you say, didn't she move in December? Indeed, I did. But because I am me, when we had a pile of stuff in our dining room that needed to be moved and put away after the move, the whole concept of doing it on my days off or in little increments was highly unappealing and slightly overwhelming. I decided it would be better to get it all done at once so here I am on vacation from work, determined to finish in a couple of days. (It's more than unpacking now because we started out unorganized and lived that way for four months and so, you know...chaos.) Technically, I'm procrastinating by doing this instead of working on the living room. Some things just don't change.

Other things really have. Our one year anniversary is next week. "Our" being my boyfriend and I. It seems surreal to me that so much time has gone by. A year sounds like a lot but it doesn't quite feel like it. I still like him though. He also took this week off so TEAMWORK! Sucks when one of your teammates likes to take a lot of breaks and update their livejournal though. (Again, how I roll.)

Speaking of, I opened a Wordpress account a long time ago planning to move this baby but it didn't happen. Might sometime in the future.

So I've been working at the same place for about six months and it's hard to explain my work life as it vacillates between incredibly stressful or pretty ok. I have met some great people though. Really my friend network since I've moved consists of the few people I work with and people from TB's work who get together for Rock Band parties. It's more fun than it sounds. Thankfully, Raaid has now moved in with his boyfriend and is very nearby too.

I think I mentioned before, in January we adopted a dog from the shelter and after a couple months we just had to give up and admit she wasn't the dog for us. We found a great home for her though and those people really love and appreciate her. The whole experience was really stressful and unfun, besides that I hated making the wrong choice and failing and not having an adorable dog that I loved. Seriously, who loves animals more than me? I'm not saying she was unlovable because her new owners certainly love her but jesus...I guess it boils down to incompatibility. I was sad that we kinda failed and had to let her go but it's been a relief to go back to a one-pet household. I want another cat - hello! Willy Wijacks - but TB is so not on board.

Things are just moving along and with out much excitement. My car is acting up recently so I hope to find time this week to have my dad look at it. We also want to have a kind of housewarming party this weekend because we haven't been able to yet (re: filthy disorganized mess). Plus I want people to come visit me, and to go visit some relatives and drag TB with me. It's a lot to cram into one vacation. Especially if I don't get started on this living room.

You Are The Liver

You are a very versatile, adept person. You are able to do many jobs. You seek balance at all times. You are good at adjusting yourself to keep things level. You are able to counteract bad influences. You can neutralize anything toxic. You are resilient like no one else. You can rebuild yourself completely if you need to.

I'm still here just working, playing house, and trying to find the motivation to unpack. Substance! Coming soon to a blog near you!

Then (June, 2006; Rockland, ME):



Now (November 2008; Here, MA):

1. What is your occupation right now? Residential counselor. I absolutely love my job. How bizarre and unprecedented is that?

2. What color are your socks right now? Black.

3. What are you listening to right now? People's Court. It's basic cable's fault! I have no daytime tv options. Don't judge.

4. What was the last thing that you ate? Frozen pizza from Trader Joe's.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Nope.

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Receptionist at my possible new doctor's office. Health insurance!

8. How old are you today? 22.

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? All are unbearable on TV.

13. What is the last movie you watched? Bits of The Notebook (at work).

14. favorite day of the year? Christmas. IT'SHAPPENINGSOONIT'SHAPPENINGSOON!

15. How do you vent anger? Hulk-style. No, actually... I really don't know. I guess my current preference is to get some privacy and cry.

17. What is your favorite season? Autumn/Spring.

22. Living arrangements? In sin and awesome. I always thought I wanted to live alone but I love having someone to come home to. I haven't felt weird about sharing space and our schedules are different enough that, if anything, I want to see him more. Also I love almost everything about him and I could easily see myself doing this for the rest of my life and sometimes I can't believe my luck. Also it's nice to share the parenting of Hamlet with someone because that cat is an emotional handful.

I've had an action-packed day, but I will start with last night. Holy elation, Batman! I spent the evening watching the returns with TB at Uno's, while drinking and eating a giant cookie sundae, and then Obama's acceptance speech back at home and it was just...blissful. I still can't believe that it actually happened. And for the first time in my life, I feel that this flawed political system actually functioned in the way it was meant to; and that the American values that have been perverted or ignored in the past 8 years can be reclaimed. Slowly the significance of it all is sinking in. Going into this election, I was always going to be this passionate because this race was always going to be significant, regardless of the nominee. (I would have wholeheartedly supported Joe Biden even, and god knows he isn't the most inspiring of politicians.) It wasn't really until today that I considered the importance of Barack Obama as a man. Truly, it's remarkable that we won this presidential race, and it has restored a lot of my faith in people. I'm proud to have helped elect him. I'm proud to have witnessed it.

I wish I could say that the whole of the election was so positive but in terms of GLBT issues, the results are dismal. (Also for straight but unmarried or single would-be adoptees in Arkansas, apparently. How enlightened.) Honestly, I almost forgot about proposition 8 and Florida and Arizona in my election joy. I'm still happy about the victories, of course, but this is a heavy reminder of how much there is to fix, and how long it might take. In every respect, I am hoping for the best.

TB has embraced the presence of Hamlet and I'm taking the fact that his love for the little fellow rivals my own as proof that I'm not crazy and that Hamlet simply just is that adorable.

Only seeing Bill Clinton in Nashua (whilst getting paid) yesterday. It was great. A rally turned out to be just what I needed to tide me over until tomorrow is over and American voters make the right choice (or inspire me to cry for 12 hours straight, whichever). Seriously, I couldn't have been more anxious and I'm still anxious but at least temporarily I got to experience the high that comes from political camaraderie and pure, unadulterated optimism.

This election is so important. Yes, I'm incredibly invested in it, but everyone should be. McCain is dangerous. To everything America is supposed to be for- from civil liberties, personal and economic freedom, tolerance, to being a positive influence on the world -and yet somehow his campaign has the audacity to talk about "real America" and appeal to every xenophobic, paranoid, radical prejudice that exists here and claim to represent family values, patriotism, and that he is some sort of humble everyman. I am fucking sick of it.

So that's that and I'm hoping for the best.

On my way home from work tonight I skipped past The Killers in favor of that song about "oo, oo, I can't believe it, she all on me" and "I could put you in a condo in Toronto" and whatnot. These teenagers have seriously been a bad influence on me.

- Um, Pepsi, Please explain yourself. The sexist ad is especially disturbing in conjunction with the other two, because of the obvious role filled by the model. Pepsi, in exchange for lifeguard shirt/keys/astronaut suit, as a means to resuscitate an unconscious hottie/eat bananas/ride on a spaceship. So she's not only an object, but one that's conveniently rapeable. (Update: Thank god, I can still drink Diet Pepsi with out guilt.)

- "John McCain Not Going to Ask Cindy McCain Twice."

- Ok, I find this ad really offensive and I'm no longer amused by all the slippery-slope "they'll marry dogs next!" arguments because the logic is so damn stupid but I'm sorry, something about the Chinesetasticness of it is seriously adorable. I'm racist.

- And, in unadorable Chinese homophobia.

- I am so obsessed with cake blogs as of late. This is supercute, and I love this and this (Wii!), but my favorite for somewhat traditional wedding cakes is I think this bakery.

- So awesome. They also did "Head Over Heels" by Tears for Fears, but I'm liking "Take On Me" more because pipewrench beats Dave Coulier.

- Apparently, it's not just his recent desperation, John McCain is an angry dude in general. And, as if you didn't probably already know, or you know someone who doesn't know, or you are actually somehow undecided, this article she links to is a good, thorough piece about McCain v. Obama and why the choice is, like, obvious. Etc, etc... Wake me up when it's November 5th, please.

- "Each election year is an ethics test for the mainstream media, and the paper is invariably returned with 'See Me After Class.'" I love defective yeti.

- Ooooo, fun!

- Milk looks good.

And, at last, my starred list in Google Reader has been cleared. Huzzah!

Uno week down of my new job and also of my new cohabitation up in this bitch. (Yeah I don't know. I'm experimenting with language!) So far things are going smoothly all around, but I work a lot of hours now and a lot of late nights so I haven't had time to process let alone write crap about it. I am hoping to consolidate my loans, possibly defer them, and buy a new (heavily used) car.

Today a waitress dropped a glass of water on my lap.

Hamlet went to the vet yesterday for his shots and whatnot. He apparently had a worm incident a few weeks ago so I wanted them to check his stool. I painstakingly evaluated the litter box Thursday night, trying to pick the freshest specimins to keep in the fridge. Well, as he was being poked and prodded, the vet tech popped in with my zip lock bag of filth to say, "These are actually all urine clumps." "Oh!" I laughed, "Oops. I shouldn't have let my boyfriend get them but I didn't want to touch it!" Ha. One week in and already I am deviously reaping the benefits of a live-in scapegoat.

I worked late tonight but I have the next two days off so now I'm either off to go Wii until my little heart can't take it anymore or sneak into bed.

Well, I'm here. In a month, both of us will be moving into TB's new townhouse but for now we, and about 75% of my stuff, are living here. Tomorrow, we're heading out on HAMLET RETRIEVAL ROADTRIP 2008 to, well, retrieve Hamlet and also stop and see my redheaded former companion, who could be either alive or dead for all I know but who is probably going to be at work at a nice little bookstore in Damariscotta.

I'm so happy.



(I still need a new car. Buy me one.)

(I do have a job here, though. Starting Tuesday.)

So Palin assures us that she and McCain are against a "second Holocaust." WHEW! I assumed they were for the slaughter of millions but now we can all sleep easily. And Biden didn't say he was against a second holocaust. Nazi!

I've been holding onto this one for a while. You know I couldn't resist it forever:

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My dad. Daniel - Danielle. Way to be creative, parents.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
I don't remember but I think I kept it together yesterday. So the day before that.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
So. much.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Heh, meat! But yeah, roast beef.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Are we counting the unfertilized eggs I've callously let die every time I was off the pill and ovulating?

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Meh. I don't like people enough to actively seek friends.

DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Yes but it's apparently dry because people I have just met or who overhear me seem to think I'm serious. I wonder how many mall strangers think that I'm racist or a homophobe.

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
No. A hobo stole them from me in '96.

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Probably not.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Oh's.

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I was born to wear Crocs.
      
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Yeah. Not in a body-building way.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
It's easier to say which ice creams aren't my favorite: poor quality vanilla, chocolate that's too chocolaty, and any flavor with nuts or fruit. What kind of person enjoys fruit in their desserts? That's what I'd like to know.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Organ donor status. What?

RED OR PINK?
Red.

WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
The or my? Hmm, I'd have to take a poll for the former. Geographical location? Tendency to pick scabs? Constant need for hugs?
  
WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Chloe aka Chlobo, Infecto, Cupcake, Chlopcake and Chlinfecto.

WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
I'm not wearing any but understandable that you'd think I appear to be in at least socks with this thin coating of dirt-plus-sweat grime covering them.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
My mouth still tastes of tuna...but that's neither here nor there, really. The last thing I ate was an Oreo.

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
My brother shooting up the streets of L.A. and collecting bitches or hos and whatnot.

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Wow. What a loaded question.

FAVORITE SMELLS?
Lilacs, new tires, lemon/orange.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
I really don't remember, it's been at least a couple days since I was on the phone. Lame?
  
FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
I really like Ice Hockey in person for some reason but on television, none of the above.

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No but if I have ever health insurance again I might look into it.

FAVORITE FOOD?
Pizza.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
I can't handle movies that even a child would find even a tiny bit scary. Alex has Nightmare on Elm Street on the DVR and keeps making empty threats to watch it when I'm here because he thinks the noises that I make when he does so are funny. It's like when he licks his hand and tries to touch me with it to get me to give up the good chair in the living room. We are 19 and 22.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
I've been watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia which is not a movie but it is awesome.

WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Cerulean.

SUMMER OR WINTER?
I'm leaning toward winter because of Christmas and because it's been long enough since last winter for me to have forgotten how much I hate snow.

HUGS OR KISSES?
Hugs kick kisses asses kinda.

FAVORITE DESSERT?
TIRAMISU! I'm sorry, but I find tiramisu very exciting.

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
On Beauty, Zadie Smith. So far it's been enjoyable enough and since I started working again, it's the only book I've read not starring Daniel Radcliffe.

WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
I don't have one-- is it just me or is that question outdated? Probably about as outdated as pictures of kittens and memes that have been forwarded to you by your mom. Touche.

WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
The Office premiere, again. Oh Office, I need you in my life so bad. Please don't leave me again.

FAVORITE SOUND?
The sound of radical Islamists sodomizing each other on top of the American flag whilst unborn babies are being aborted by Hilary Clinton in the background. Just kidding, it's totally Jeremy Irons narrating the opening of The Man in the Iron Mask: "Much of this is legand, but at least this much is fact, bitches."

WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Washington, DC. I loved it, there were Starbucks everywhere!

DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
No. Those looking for talent please move on.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
New Hampshire. Sort of almost near Canada, but not Russia, so I don't have as much foreign policy experience as Sarah Palin but I'd sure be guranteed to bullshit it more successfully to reporters so embrace me too, America!

DID YOU HAVE HELP COMPLETING THIS?
Oh yeah, I couldn't have done it without the help of my tutor from the Sylvan Learning Institute.

My car is still broken. I need to find a new one (somehow) that's drivable in the next two weeks because that's when I'm moving to Massachusetts now. Basically, my new job is going to change completely and I would have had to relocate and commute an extra 60 miles a day which was not going to happen so I decided to move sooner than planned to TB's and find a new job there. My last day here is Tuesday. Too bad because I am totally in the swing of things and sometimes even find it enjoyable. Really awesome because I love TB, hate barely seeing him since I've been here, working, injuring myself, injuring my transmission and because we all know I'm dying to change my living situation. My back is much much better after taking Flexeril for a while but I still have to be careful, especially lifting things. I hopefully nailed an interview I had this week and hopefully don't need to wait long before working. I can't afford to stop having a paycheck when I've only been at work long enough to get two. Also hopefully I can get a deferment on my student loans because my financial situation is still pathetic, maybe even pathetic-er, thanks to the DoucheWagon and challenging work changes. Needless to say things are hectic and will be for a bit. I'm very anxious. When all is said and done I'll be ok and - bonus - living where I want to be with my cat. If only I could fall into a magical coma until then.

Well the past two weeks have been interesting, as my new job is interesting. I have just been too busy to write really, though I was meaning to. Then the shit really hit the fan.

I am still at TB's because as I was driving down there Saturday (after working a double shift), the transmission (apparently) burned out on my lovely douchewagon and it is not, shall we say, good. It would cost more than my car has ever been worth to fix it but obviously I need transportation which means a Douche Wagon II if I can find one and ohmyfuckinggod, could the timing be worse? No, no it could not.

I haven't even gotten my first (hopelessly thin) paycheck yet and the plan was to spend absolutely no unnecessary money so that I can save and afford to live in a couple months when I will making student loan payments. It's unbelievable, really. Also, I hurt my back over a week ago but it has been getting progressively worse and, at the moment, most natural movements are excrutiating. I don't know what to do about it, save cry. If I had health insurance, I would have seen a doctor by now. I can't afford to pay out of pocket. I can't do anything.

And you know, I'm ok. I'm managing. TB is amazing, my friends are amazing. When my car broke down I was willing and able to ask for practical help. I can do that, I called my dad to haul my car away and I called him to come pick me up so I could still get down here and he's driving me back. But what else can anybody do? Emotionally, there isn't really a way for anyone to actually help and so...I don't know what to do with all this.

I absolutely hate that here I am, still, with the horrible feeling that I am never going to get ahead. I don't know how not to feel that. I'm too pragmatic to pretend that things will just magically be ok. So what can I do? What can anybody do?



Additionally, Sarah Palin is a fucking joke and I don't want to make a joke about seniality but jesus, John McCain. For the record, I am sick of this election and have been for a good four months. If I weren't having real problems, I would surely be bitching about politics right about now.

This is the tale of how I came to sexually harass an honest health professional.

So this morning I was still at TB's, leaving there at 8:30 to head over to the office of my new employer to fill out paperwork and such. I had originally planned to go home last night, my stuff was already all packed up, and so I just threw on what I had worn the night before. I then drove to Hampton where it took me over an hour driving around town to find the place, but the HR paperwork portion of the quest was eventually completed.

Later, handy forms in hand, I decided to get the physical done while I was out and about and before I went in for the staff meeting at the actual worksite. Off I merrily skipped to the walk-in medical center. After two and a half Newsweeks, the nurse took me behind the magical doors and took my blood pressure. Then I peed in a cup, then did an eye exam, got the injection for the TB test (tuberculosis test not The Boyfriend test), and then she led me to an exam room and brought me a gown.

Naturally, this being completely routine, I did not think anything of it. She told me to leave my bra and underwear on and the (male) doctor would be in to do a quick physical. I did not think anything of tha- OH MY GOD I'M NOT WEARING PANTIES. Hi blind panic, I'm Danielle and I chose today of all days to go commando. My brain was immediately overloaded with the knowledge that some stranger was going to think me an exhibitionistic sex pervert when he found me unnecessarily naked under the gown and it was in this ensuing mania that I forgot whether it was bra on or off.

"Sorry, did you say bra on?"

"Yes, yes, leave your underclothes on."

She shut the door just in time to miss me screaming, "I WISH I COULD, WOMAN!" (Or maybe the desperate outcry was a silent one. Who can say?)

Ah so, your heroine was left to change into the hospital gown and await her humiliating demise. I thought a lot of things in that excruciating 20 minutes, but the chief points among them were:

Maybe he won't notice! I tied both closures as tight as possible and attempted to sit on the fabric in the most concealing fashion possible.

Some women never wear underwear!

Even women who never wear underwear wear them for a fucking physical!

Maybe he won't notice! I checked the back of the gown several times by feeling for exposed crack. Despite the fact that the situation looked grim, I returned to this pathetic hope many times in those few minutes, in order to preserve my sanity.

I wished, desperately wished, that I had considered that a physical would require the underwear on / gown process before I walked into that office. But it was too late. There was no escape. Left was I with the belief that even the most free-balling floozy would have the decency to not expose her cooter to a random doctor for no conceivable reason.

I also knew that any average person who came to give me this standard physical would have to attribute my inappropriate nakedness to one of two things--an apparent stupidity in thinking that I needed to take off my underwear, despite being told to keep them on or having any common sense at all, OR a desire to reveal my naughty bits at every opportunity for a secret thrill. (I couldn't figure out which assumption would bother me more.)

Eventually the doctor graced me with his presence. He was very friendly, very efficient, and even after undoing the gown ties to listen to me breathe, did not let on that he found anything about me strange. He had me lie down, listened to more breathing, and did some doctor-y thing to my stomach. Then... I don't know if I can even bring myself to finish this

deepcalmingbreaths deepcalmingbreaths

...he innocently grabbed my my left ankle and lifted it while keeping my leg straight. I swear he lifted my right ankle about twice as fast. "Ok, you're all set! I'll just fill this out and meet you out front!" and he was out the door.

And then I died.

The end.